Self-Care Sabotage

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What’s self-care look like to you? I don’t think I’ve ✨nailed✨ my self-care priorities or routine. In fact, I often find myself saying “I should’ve gone to bed earlier” or “I shouldn’t have binged Netflix.” Because staying up late and watching so much TV doesn’t make me feel great. But staying up late is an easy choice to make when I feel like I haven’t had one minute during the day to do what I want to do (it’s called revenge bedtime procrastination!). And watching Netflix is an easy choice when my brain is exhausted and doesn’t have the capacity to do much else.

But these easy choices often lead to chaos later (e.g. waking up late in the mornings) and don’t leave me feeling fulfilled. So I’ve been racking my brain to figure out why self-care feels like such a chore. Just another thing to add to the list. One more thing to feel guilty about not getting to. WHY? Shouldn’t knowing and then doing what you need in order to not just survive this crazy life we’re living, but to thrive in it, be second nature? “I’m tired, so I’m going to take a nap.” “I’m at my limit so I’m going to do those dishes tomorrow.” “I’m feeling burnt out so I’m going to take a nice, long bath.” Why is identifying and actually doing these things so hard?

For me — someone who thrives in a clean, picked-up space — there’s always something more productive to do around the house — so much to clean and straighten up. Laundry to throw in the wash. Dishes to put away. But why can some people turn this off in their brains (ahem, husband 😉) while others can’t? I’ve always been a little bit like this, but I’ve noticed it’s gotten more intense over the years. It’s almost like I need to be busy in order to feel like I’ve accomplished something that day or to feel good about myself and what I’ve contributed. I need to be productive to feel good about relaxing. But then, once I’ve done all my productive things there isn’t time for self-care; there’s just time to sleep and start the cycle all over again.

That’s dumb and it feels dumb. So I’m going to try my darndest to stop putting so much pressure on myself and live a more intuitive life. I’ve been saying lately that I’m trying to eat more intuitively (e.g. stopping when I feel full, even if I didn’t eat everything on my plate), so why not extend this into other aspects of my life as well? In fact, I love this plate metaphor for the rest of life, too — just because my to-do list is a mile high doesn’t mean I have to actually check all of those boxes today. It’s OK for things to wait until tomorrow, just like it’s OK to not eat everything on my plate. Why shouldn’t I give myself permission to not wipe down the counters if I actually need to immediately take a bath so I don’t completely lose it?

Self-care can take so many forms. My list won’t be your list and vice versa. I started brainstorming below the types of self-care that I want to start prioritizing in my day-to-day. But the last thing I want is for this to just be another thing on my to-do list. So, no, I’m not committing to doing all of these things every day, but maybe I’ll do some of them each day. Or maybe I’ll skip a day and do most of them the next. Any way this goes, it feels like a step in the right direction. What’s on your list?

  • Take a bath

  • Read a book

  • Exercise

  • Go on a walk

  • Drink water

  • Go to bed on time

  • Wake up early (I cherish those early morning hours!)

  • Write what I know

  • Write what I feel

  • Be vulnerable

  • Stretch

  • Say no

  • Ask for help

  • Lean into passions (interior design!)

  • Bake

  • Savor food and food prep

  • Positive self-talk

  • Scroll less

  • Boycott TV? (jury’s still out on this one… maybe just M-Th? Or maybe the answer is limit screentime all around.)