Purposeful Work or Purposeful Life?

I’ve thought a lot about purpose through the years. How are we supposed to know what our purpose is? Should we find it through work? Volunteering? Hobbies? Family? Should literally everything we do ladder up to our purpose? Do we choose our purpose or does our purpose choose us?

I’ve taken many paths in my career and I think it’s partly because I don’t know the answers to these questions. I’ve tried to fill this void in everyday purpose with my job, but I always seem to come up empty. It feels like there’s a lot of pressure to find your purpose and let that guide you in your career moves — because, hey, if you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life… right? I’m not so sure. It is work, after all.

If you have found your purpose in your career, congrats. I haven’t, but I’m starting to realize that’s OK. Maybe my purpose doesn’t have to be tied to my career. Maybe it actually shouldn’t be tied to my career. Lord knows I tie too much of my identity to my career already, so consciously separating purpose from work actually feels right for me.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t find joy in what I do for work. In fact, I was telling my husband the other day that my current job is lighting up my brain in ways I didn’t think were possible. The creative challenges I’m solving are rewarding even though they aren’t directly impacting my purpose.

And this all makes me wonder — does not finding a deeper purpose in my day-to-day work actually allow me to live a more full life? Am I less likely to get burnt out on my purpose if I’m not constantly working for or with it? Am I able to create healthier boundaries between work and life if my purpose isn’t tied to it? In fact, does not tying my purpose to work allow me to live a more purposeful and purpose-filled life?

I don’t believe everyone is called to live out their purpose through work. I think purpose is much more, much bigger than a job. But maybe it also doesn’t have to be this monumental, light-shining-through-the-clouds, “aha” purpose. Maybe purpose for some is just simply taking the best care of themselves or finding what gives them the most joy and doing as much of that as possible in their day-to-day life. Maybe it’s pouring love into their babies and families. Maybe it’s pouring love into their communities.

Whatever it is for you, I hope you find it. I’ll be right alongside you on this journey.

Self-Care Sabotage

What’s self-care look like to you? I don’t think I’ve ✨nailed✨ my self-care priorities or routine. In fact, I often find myself saying “I should’ve gone to bed earlier” or “I shouldn’t have binged Netflix.” Because staying up late and watching so much TV doesn’t make me feel great. But staying up late is an easy choice to make when I feel like I haven’t had one minute during the day to do what I want to do (it’s called revenge bedtime procrastination!). And watching Netflix is an easy choice when my brain is exhausted and doesn’t have the capacity to do much else.

But these easy choices often lead to chaos later (e.g. waking up late in the mornings) and don’t leave me feeling fulfilled. So I’ve been racking my brain to figure out why self-care feels like such a chore. Just another thing to add to the list. One more thing to feel guilty about not getting to. WHY? Shouldn’t knowing and then doing what you need in order to not just survive this crazy life we’re living, but to thrive in it, be second nature? “I’m tired, so I’m going to take a nap.” “I’m at my limit so I’m going to do those dishes tomorrow.” “I’m feeling burnt out so I’m going to take a nice, long bath.” Why is identifying and actually doing these things so hard?

For me — someone who thrives in a clean, picked-up space — there’s always something more productive to do around the house — so much to clean and straighten up. Laundry to throw in the wash. Dishes to put away. But why can some people turn this off in their brains (ahem, husband 😉) while others can’t? I’ve always been a little bit like this, but I’ve noticed it’s gotten more intense over the years. It’s almost like I need to be busy in order to feel like I’ve accomplished something that day or to feel good about myself and what I’ve contributed. I need to be productive to feel good about relaxing. But then, once I’ve done all my productive things there isn’t time for self-care; there’s just time to sleep and start the cycle all over again.

That’s dumb and it feels dumb. So I’m going to try my darndest to stop putting so much pressure on myself and live a more intuitive life. I’ve been saying lately that I’m trying to eat more intuitively (e.g. stopping when I feel full, even if I didn’t eat everything on my plate), so why not extend this into other aspects of my life as well? In fact, I love this plate metaphor for the rest of life, too — just because my to-do list is a mile high doesn’t mean I have to actually check all of those boxes today. It’s OK for things to wait until tomorrow, just like it’s OK to not eat everything on my plate. Why shouldn’t I give myself permission to not wipe down the counters if I actually need to immediately take a bath so I don’t completely lose it?

Self-care can take so many forms. My list won’t be your list and vice versa. I started brainstorming below the types of self-care that I want to start prioritizing in my day-to-day. But the last thing I want is for this to just be another thing on my to-do list. So, no, I’m not committing to doing all of these things every day, but maybe I’ll do some of them each day. Or maybe I’ll skip a day and do most of them the next. Any way this goes, it feels like a step in the right direction. What’s on your list?

• Take a bath

• Read a book

• Exercise

• Go on a walk

• Drink water

• Go to bed on time

• Wake up early (I cherish those early morning hours!)

• Write what I know

• Write what I feel

• Be vulnerable

• Stretch

• Say no

• Ask for help

• Lean into passions (interior design!)

• Bake

• Savor food and food prep

• Positive self-talk

• Scroll less

• Boycott TV? (jury’s still out on this one… maybe just M-Th? Or maybe the answer is limit screentime all around.)

Why Didn't We Do This Before?

If there’s one thing we all have more of right now, it’s time. Whether you actually have more time or just more time to use in different ways, there’s more time to think, time to be, time to connect. And I can’t help but think — why didn’t we do this before?

Why didn’t we prioritize slowing down?

Why didn’t we have proper meals and spend time making good, wholesome food from scratch?

Why didn’t we sit down, kick up our feet, pull from our bookshelf that’s collecting dust, and read more?

Why didn’t we bake loaves of bread and share with our neighbors?

Why didn’t we proactively watch out for each other?

Why didn’t we prioritize our health, regularly getting outside (while practicing social distancing, of course) for some vitamin D, fresh air, and exercise?

Why didn’t we prioritize mindfulness and build a home yoga practice?

Why didn’t we facetime with our out-of-state family and friends on a regular basis?

Why didn’t we prioritize what we love to do, building and crafting with our hands?

Why didn’t we prioritize sustainable, minimal living?

I think we’re now realizing more than ever the importance of connection. Connection to ourselves, our families and loved ones, our communities, our world, and our universe.

If there’s one thing I’d love to see happen as we come out of this global pandemic, it’s that we don’t lose these new habits we’re forming. These habits of meaningful connection and intentional living.

What are the new habits you’re forming that you hope to carry on when life goes back to “normal”? I’ll leave you with this quote from Dave Hollis:

“In the rush to return to normal, consider which parts of ‘normal’ are worth rushing back to.”